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Writing To Reach You
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30th-Oct-2008 01:02 am(no subject)
I was cold, you gave me heat
You added a glow to my face
We had a friendship made strong by golden smores
I built you up and fed you
You repaid me in comforting beams
I filled my house with tiny alters of my trust
Out of sight, out of mind
You betrayed my faith
After I defended you against the common lore
I fear you, you haunt me
Your scent makes me nervous
You ate my home to ashes, comfort to rust
30th-Oct-2008 12:53 am(no subject)
I’ve known numb
I ran away
I felt nothing
I hid
I cried myself to sleep for seven months
But this is real
I’m sick
I can’t hide
I shiver
Because the cause of pain has taken home from me
So I curl up
On the cold ground
In the darkness
And disown my given name so you won’t call
If I close my eyes
Count down
And pray real hard
Maybe I’ll wake-up from this nightmare and be free
27th-Oct-2008 12:19 pm - Coffee in Iambic Pentameter
The mug between my hands is smooth and hot
Espresso mixed with milk and topped with froth
We once would share a cup, but you forgot
I sip the latte and enjoy the strength
I pray that it will burn away my pain
Forget that you forgot me once again
19th-Oct-2008 09:55 pm - Boys Suck!
Scream it out
so confusing
where is this anger coming from?
I hate you
I never liked you
why do I care?
but I can't even point out what you've done
It's like you tricked me
you hurt me
I'm bleeding
Whatever we were playing at, you won
The perfect crime
Gullible victim
Wide-eyed and foolish
My hearts not hurting for all I am is numb
18th-Oct-2008 11:07 pm(no subject)
Oh good, I'm not alone, I can hear crickets
but you know I'd rather hear a word from you
the silence in your eyes is overwhelming
you're set on not giving me a clue

I'm still not sure what I did to deserve this
this icy gaze, you're burning me with cold
Feeling jealous? Could you be more possessive?
I'm not even yours and you're out of control

I would almost rather have you strike me
instead you're letting the anger build inside
I think I'd rather have you screaming
So I could scream back, our words could collide

I would think I was alone save for the crickets
But instead I hear you say its alright
With your hands in your pockets you walk away
and now I'm sure I'll get no sleep tonight
13th-Oct-2008 10:39 pm - Bad Breeeeaks.
These walls shrink aroundme
you ask me to stop
i tell you to stop

"Think about.."
Their salt water
and ducts
and the ulcers
poisoning their souls
they're there.
i know.

i can feel it--
all of them.
they're inside of me,
just like you are.

I can't get outside
of me.
17th-Sep-2008 03:50 am(no subject)
She moves through me
over me and onto me
Dances and sways
draws me and moves me.

She's simple and sweet
She's shy and contrite
She's someone so simple
she's someone so right

She moves through me
over and onto me
She draws and she moves me
moving onto me
without ever taking a step.
16th-Sep-2008 07:00 pm(no subject)
Sunlight, Strobe-light effect on my hands
Grip the wheel, knuckles turn white, driving faster, faster
Windows down, let the wind clear my mind
As it dries out my eyes,
There's no need for music, the sky has its own
swirls of pink clash with tones of blue
So I make my escape accelerating, no more waiting
Success or disaster here I come
14th-Sep-2005 01:36 am - Going Public
I just can't seem to get you out of my head..
no matter whom I may sleep with..
All theses memories..
and too fucked up dreams
make me wish for the way it could be..
I am sorry if I was a bore..
I am sorry if there was just too much to be asking for
when I tried so hard
to make our lives come together..
I really believed that we could do so much better...
than them,
than heroin..
than crying for our freedom!
Just tell me.. girl... (I miss none more in the world)
Is this any resemblance to your feelings?
Or is this all..
A waste.. (I do miss that smile on your face)
13th-Sep-2008 11:13 pm - Welcome to My Home
Another day has turned sour in the foul mouth of midnight.
Another sigh slipped past the worried lips of tomorrow...

This is the longing hour you've dreamed about.

I've often considered the fate of the willow's bough -
Dragged down by the weight of it's own growth...

This is the ironic dance of my conscience.

The gluttons are left with only their greed now;
The temptress gorged on the lust of the world...

Let the song of sorrow lift your heart too.

Remorse runs its course like a poison's verse
A constant reminder to us...

We are the divergence.
We are our own ghosts.
29th-Aug-2008 11:42 am - a new project...
Why don't you light up another cigarette my dear
kill yourself a little faster
We're all just made of ancient stardust anyhow
Specks of supernova waste
Why don't we waste away at high speeds now
we're all destined to become stardust
Glowing hydrogen heat again someday anyhow

(I'm writing a series of poems that all have certain phrases and words in common, but are about very different things)

(also, while this song is about impermanence, it's very celestial. Can you tell I'm in astronomy right now?)
25th-Aug-2008 11:20 pm(no subject)
Basically I have a guy friend who likes me and I know it but I still can't help turning to him when I need someone to be there for me. He's taking that as something more. Now I'm feeling evil. I present my outlet

Don't look into my eyes you'll see a difference
from the frozen smile I've forced upon my face
I feels the words "oh really?" being formed by my lips
but I know all along they're out of place
Don't take my hand you'll feel the cold there
The ice that comes straight from my heart
Knowing all along what this will do to you
with innocence in my eyes I play the part
I'll be all that I can be but not that
yet I don't have the strength to say no
If I avoid the question I escape confrontation
A place that I'd rather not go
Then without my consent I'm going there
I'm the one whose reaching for a hand
I might as well blindfold you right off a cliff
I lead you on which I can't understand
and sure enough, blindly, you follow
even though I've played dumb twice before
You'll never get more from me than a poor friend
And you'll never get to ask for more
24th-Aug-2008 12:24 am - Gabriel Incarnate
History Boys - walking among the ruins
Gabriel Incarnate

I want to make angels with you
in the crisp newborn snow.
Will you rise with me
this whimsical morning?

My angel would have bed-head
and one foot a half-size bigger;
yours, a scar on its shoulder
and a crooked bottom incisor --

but angels do not
have such flaws.

Can we lie down together
and make perfect shapes,
clothed in purple predawn light
and nothing else?

But we must stand with care,
leaving the closest thing to perfection
we have ever known

Then will you trample our angels,
kick the snow and ruin the smoothness,
crush ice crystals beneath unlaced boots
as we greet the morning
with a two-step waltz?

I should like to share that with you.
28th-Jul-2008 03:38 am - devolution
The humanoid population
has shriveled up and died.

Somehow, they have continued
moving through their death
they walk the planet
in shuffled muffled steps
rocking the tormented seas
and pounding the fragile earth.
They've managed
to continue destroying
despite the fact they themselves
have already been destroyed.

The humanoid population
has rotted all to hell.

Somehow they are still lurking
in the caves of their ancestors
preserving all that history
all he while forgetting past.
They've managed
to move far beyond making fire
or wondering at primitive wheels
but have failed to advance at all.

The humanoid population
has become an empty shell.

Somehow they've turned into
entirely heartless beasts
with the framework of charities
as shadow of good intentions.
They've managed
to pretend all is well
that things are on their way up
when really it's all falling apart.

The humanoid population
has become anything but human.

Somehow they've become
something I don't recignize
nothing that could be of my kind
the humanoids have died.
THey've managed
to completely erase all
of their former good deeds
with goals that are entirely bad.

The humanoid population
has become something
I'd like to not be associated with
under any circumstances.
In the end of this all,
if at all possible,
I'd rather be considered
a monkey of sorts.

While considered to be
dumb. inferior.
and all around less,
they also have yet to commit
any task that is meant
to wipe out entire
countries. races.
or even ideas.

I would rather be considered inferior
than part of what is surely ignorant.
23rd-Jul-2008 01:02 pm(no subject)
It's midnight in your hometown 
and the ghosts of good times are coasting in the car behind you
their brights on, lighting the way
driving past the school
the names of your old friends' younger brothers
cackle over an ancient loudspeaker
the gods of the new decade
everything the old had worked for forgotten
lost in a faded yearbook somewhere
all the colors are the same
messages you thought were permanent have been painted over
a lifetime of memories cradled, then smothered
in the thick gold and white of pride
you realize you can't remember a single face
sit down amongst all the teary-eyed parents
waiting for johnny's big moment
and all of johnny's friends
waiting for the big after-party
a night of blissful apathy and excitement cradled, then smothered
in the thick gold and white of inebriation
the banners fly
one last time
you shuffle out of the creaking bleachers
the air buzzing with
and the familar  comfort of pot
you get back in your car
history rolling over you like a thousand varsity letters of dead football players
a lifetime of patient expectations cradled, then smothered
in the thick gold and white of crippling disappointment.

15th-Jul-2008 03:05 am - Flaws
Sometimes I miss you
But for that I only have myself to blame
I wish I loved you
In the way you loved me

I think its down right funny
I can find such fault in you
Your so full of flaws
I can find and call them all

I see myself in you...
And your so full of flaws
11th-Jul-2008 01:14 am - I Could Fall...
as i look around at all the people
who hurt me in my life i find...

i could fall in love with me...
i could fall in love....

today i realized
i dont need anyone as much as i need
and if i can love me maybe i wont need
anyone else!

i could fall in love...
i could fall in love with me

i can hold my own hand...
wipe my own tears away...
Pat myself on my own back...
Fall in lovewith me 
Fall in love with me..
im the only one i need to
Love me
8th-Jul-2008 07:08 pm - A Tale of Tomorrow
Wicked spider weave a crown for me to wear
Widowed whisper find a new home to spread your poison
I see you searching the sky for the sun expecting sympathy
Harbor of Sorrow, moor your malevolence elsewhere.

Unveil your intention so cleverly hidden underground
To the unconscious supporters who sidle along beside you.
You have faith in a fruitless future led by figureheads
And refuse to face the corruption that eats through to reveal the truth.

Your spine has been replaced by a spindle wound with worry
Your words traded on a whim for weightless prophecies.
Try to save face and end up screaming until you break
Your voice fades and now only silence escapes and emanates...

Leaving you at a loss, lonely and listless in your lackluster lament
That will be heard by no one under a torn sky with no sun
All that is left are harrowed homes where freedom was once grown
And the groan of dusty floorboards are the only response to your moans.
24th-Jun-2008 05:25 pm - The Holwell Account

The above are the collection of writings that have become the first six songs my hand has written. We are currently performing the first five in our live shows. Soon, we will be adding the sixth to our line-up. If you are interested in hearing us, you can check us out at www.myspace.com/holwellaccount
17th-Jun-2008 02:14 pm - Bukowski!
If this is spam, I'll totally take it down.

I work for a movie website and as I was doing some research into what films we have buried in our archive, I discovered that we have Bukowski: Born Into This, and figured I'd try to spread the word. The movie deserves to be watched.

Trailer behind the cut.Collapse )

x-posted to as many places as humanly possible. :P
17th-Jun-2008 03:09 am(no subject)
I said “kissing you makes me nervous”
And your hands rested on my waist
Like they belonged there
Mine clasped behind your neck
Like they’d always been there
Your hair fell in your eyes
Mirror image to mine
But no matter how right it seemed
I knew it had to be wrong
when you asked “why?”
8th-Jun-2008 02:02 pm - Midnight Prayer
The seconds tick inside my head
as the night slowly vanishes
as my body slowly becomes heavier, weaker.
I push it to stay strong
but it refuses.
Darkness engulf this weak body
lulling it into a somber reverie
away from morning demons
away from everything I could
never understand.
Morning seems so far from my eyes
and I pray that he stays there.
Let me sleep.
4th-Jun-2008 07:53 pm - Mend
The sun rays caress my face
Do these sun rays touch your face too?
I want to touch your face too.
I want to...

These days go by quickly,
not as painfully as they used to.
I've grown accustomed to
quiet days
and solemn nights.
I don't feel you anymore.

What happens now?
Could you hear my blessings
through that wooden box
where you sleep?
4th-Jun-2008 04:46 pm(no subject)
I feel like I've overcompensated for the discompassionate reaction I'd receive.
Maybe in the intricate workings of love, I must have missed something, somebody please...
It seems that walls still catch fire even if they aren't soaked in gasoline,
And I think I've made a terrible mistake because she stopped trying to stop me.
She stopped crying long before her skin and that's to say absolutely nothing
Of the repugnant stench of her beautiful hair; I wonder if she'll ever love again?
Hold daisies, baby, or learn to smile.

Somewhere history became fantasy and our futures less real.
I didn't want to die alone, but you refused to come along for a feel.
And I know
None of this must seem real,
But I swear
At least this much you know is true.
In such arrogance;
You came to me
And I showed you everything.
There's no one else to blame.
We all face sacrifice.

In the light, I am humbled:

Thank God for your loved ones safe in their homes
And pray my influence never draws them too close.
Pray you wake one day from this sickening dream,
Whisper fogiveness, and hope someone is listening.

We all face sacrifice.
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